|
I was at the mall the other day eating at the food
court, when I noticed an old man watching a teenager
sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all
different colors: green, red, orange and blue. The old
man kept staring at him.
The teenager would look and find the old man staring
every time. When the teenager had enough, he
sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never
done anything wild in your life?" The old man did not
bat an eye in his response, "Got drunk once and had sex
with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my
son."
Texas Sex
Two Texans were out on the range talking about their favorite sex
positions. One said, 'I think
I enjoy
the rodeo position the best.'
'I don't
think I have ever heard of that one,' said the other cowboy. 'What
is it?'
'Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours and you mount
her from behind. Then you reach around and cup each one of her
breasts in your hands and whisper in her ear, 'Boy, these feel just
like your sister's.' Then you try and stay on for 8 seconds.
Three men - a Canadian
farmer,
Osama bin Laden and
a
White Trash Biker
are all walking together one day. They come across a
lantern and a
Genie pops out of
it. 'I will give each of you one wish, which is
three wishes in
total', says the Genie.
The Canadian says,
'I am a farmer and my son will also farm. I want
the land to be forever fertile in
Canada ' POOF! With
the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was
forever fertile for farming.
Osama was amazed, so he said, 'I want a wall
around
Afghanistan,
Palestine,
Iraq and
Iran so that no
infidels, Americans or Canadians can come into our
precious land.' POOF! Again, with the blink of the
Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those
countries.
The Biker says, 'I am very curious. Please
tell me more about this wall.' The Genie explains,
'Well, it's about 5,000 feet high, 500 feet thick
and completely surrounds the country. Nothing can
get in or out; it's virtually impenetrable.'
The Biker sits down on his Harley, cracks a beer,
lights a cigarette, smiles and says, 'Fill it with
water.'
After an exhaustive
review of the research literature, here's the final
word
on
nutrition and health:
1.
Japanese
eat very little fat and suffer fewer
heart
attacks than us.
2.
Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer
heart
attacks than us.
3. Chinese drink very little
red
wine and suffer fewer heart attacks
than
us.
4. Italians drink excessive amounts of
red
wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks
than us.
5.
Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages
and fats and suffer fewer
heart
attacks than us.
CONCLUSION: Eat and
drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently
what
kills you.
Not to worry...The Government Is Trying To Correct
This Problem.
|
